Rightly Determining Value

broken, but certainly not trash

broken, but certainly not trash

How do we determine our value? In previous lessons, we have discussed the world’s distorted view of what is valuable. Have we succumbed to the world’s convoluted ideas on what is valuable? Do we judge ourselves based on an arbitrary standard that has been set by society? It is easy to do.
Although it is hard to understand our value, we must be worth something, God loves us. Knowing that I am loved by the Almighty Creator is staggering. Knowing that he values me is almost unbelievable. I had to figure out why I questioned my value. What had I learned that needed relearning?
I had unwittingly succumbed to the lies of this world. My self-esteem was based on performance. I had learned that if I did well, I received love (or at least affirmation and affection). As long as I had a solid reputation for my good life, everything seemed to be wonderful. This lie was eventually exposed. When my hard work, brought shattered dreams, failure, pain and brokenness, my self-worth plummeted and rightfully so.
If my worth is based on my performance, then I will never measure up. I will never be the smartest, the most talented, the friendliest, the best, the most righteous, etc. On the other hand if my value is based on my rarity and uniqueness, an intrinsic value and worth given to me by the Creator, then I am precious and beloved
“Jesus didn’t say, ‘Blessed are those who care for the poor.’ He said, ‘Blessed are we where we are poor, where we are broken.’ It is there that God loves us deeply and pulls us into deeper communion with himself” (Henri Nouwen). In God’s value system my brokenness isn’t a problem, it is part of my uniqueness. It doesn’t deter him from loving me.
Since I am forgiven, my sin and my brokenness no longer inhibit a loving relationship with my Abba, Father. “Our courteous Lord does not want his servants to despair because they fall often and grievously; for our falling does not hinder him in loving us” (Julian of Norwich). If Christ loved me so much that while I was still a sinner, he died for me, of course he loves me now that I am in his family. In this fact, I find my value.
The world says that we find our value in what we do. The Bible says that Jesus determined our value. “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:9–10, NIV).
I cannot understand it, but I am so valuable that God Almighty died to redeem me. He bought me when I had been discarded as trash. I cannot comprehend what value he sees, but I am in no position to argue with God. I am broken, but not trash.

Directing My Heart to the Love of God

“God loves you unconditionally, as you are and not as you should be, because nobody is as they should be.”
Brennan Manning

Like everyone else on the planet, I went through an extremely difficult time of brokenness. During this time period, I struggled with my concept of self-value and whether I was loved. It didn’t help that some of the people around me used phrases that were detrimental to my mental well being. Comments like, “You need to get over this, or you’ll be of no use to anyone”, and “You’re a mess”. I knew I was a mess so I had trouble believing that I could be loved or of any value. I even doubted God’s ability to love me. Of course, this was a testimony to my lack of faith, not a commentary on God’s faithfulness. In my despair, I sought help from God’s people. The counsel I received and the further study that I pursued led me first to a deeper faith and trust in God’s love. Later I began to realize I had value.
I made it through this time with the love and compassion of some wonderful friends, my family, and wisdom from God’s people. The Lord sent an empathetic pastor who said he couldn’t make things better, but he knew that I was loved. Pastor Charles shared about his own personal struggles and what God had taught him. He reassured me with the fact that I was loved.
I discovered that I was suffering from what the ancients called, “The Dark Night of the Soul”. I felt that God was unhappy with me, so he had pulled away from me. In actuality, he was never nearer. He was teaching me that my brokenness was a beneficial thing, and an excellent opportunity for his glory to shine. He drew me close and let me know that I am loved.
Abba’s Child, by Brennan Manning. taught me more about the love of God. I bought the book because the blurb on the back cover started with these words, “Many Christians have bought into the lie that we are worthy of God’s love only when our lives are going well.” I felt that I was being rejected and devalued by my Christian community because of this lie. The book reassured me that God’s view of me was different from the prevailing views. One of my favorite quotes from the book is, “God will use your brokenness to bless many people”.
I had hope because I am loved. “May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ”
(2 Thessalonians 3:5 ESV). I came back to the basics of my faith. “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” I was still struggling with value though. “Renewing of the mind” was going to take some time. I’ll discuss this in the next blog.

*For more information on The Dark Night of the Soul, see John Coe’s “MUSINGS ON THE DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL: INSIGHTS FROM ST. JOHN OF THE CROSS ON A DEVELOPMENTAL SPIRITUALITY
Coe, J. H. n. page. http://goo.gl/rhPXFC

Not Perfect, but Faithful and Trusting

We have regrettably brought the idea of perfection into our churches. We have invited God to help us attain a perfect life. It seems odd that the life we envision is more like the American Dream than like the life the Bible speaks about. The life of the Bible, in which we are required to count the costs, take up our cross, or consider persecution blessed opportunity. We sometimes think the Christian life is God helping us attain the American Dream. We work hard to serve God and walk in obedience believing that we will avoid suffering. When our perfect life doesn’t materialize, we start to think that God is not concerned about us, or worse, that he is angry with us.
When I suffered from a less than perfect life, my first response was to try to be better for God. Although I did question whether God cared, I knew the Bible, and of course God cared. There was too much evidence. So I decided I had let God down, and if I just work harder, then he would give me the American Dream Christian Life. I actually believed that if I had learned the lessons God had tried to teach me, then I could have avoided the pain and brokenness.
These ideas were not what I intellectually espoused; I knew that the Scripture said that we would suffer in our service of Jesus. “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you” (1 Peter 4:12). I understood that people could sin against us. “Many have become my enemies without cause; those who hate me without reason are numerous” (Psalm 38:19). I knew that people all across the world were martyred for the cause of Christ and yet they trusted God. “The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I look in triumph on my enemies” (Psalm 118:6–7). Somehow I still allowed the influence of my culture to affect my attitudes, and believed that my life was going to be “perfect”.
When the myth was exposed, I had a choice. I could believe God’s Word, or I could live in disappointment and despair. God said to the hurting, fearful, and despairing, do not be afraid for I am with you always. I was the hurting, fearful and despairing. I had to accept the fact that I was broken and know in my head and heart that God didn’t expect perfection. He expected faith and trust.
“Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him” (Psalm 37:3–7).

Broken, But God Loves Me With Unfailing Love

The countercultural view of brokenness that Christianity teaches was not easy for me to accept. I grew up believing in the American Dream. Work hard and have the perfect life. My view was distorted. It had taken my focus off of God’s unfailing love.I had allowed the world to speak to my soul and feed me lies.
I realized that our culture preaches and teaches perfectionism. Although everyone knows that perfection is impossible, we are all being persuaded to strive toward that goal. This unattainable objective is pushed on us constantly. The daily encouragement from the media is, “you deserve perfection”. Online dating sites encourage us to find “the perfect mate”. Commercials for face cleansers talk about the “perfect complexion”. We can have the perfect kitchen if we use the right home improvement store. And all of this will lead to a perfect life if we attain it all!
By contrast, sitcoms make fun of people who are different or imperfect. Bullying is a growing issue. Hate crimes against people we consider damaged are sadly becoming commonplace. To our shame, we have so devalued imperfect people that our society encourages the abortion of babies that in any way do not meet up to our flawless expectations. We forget that God knew exactly who he was creating. We as a society have standards of perfection that no one can attain to. It is an illusion because everyone is broken.
The world’s view has serious ramifications. By preaching perfection and disdaining brokenness we have encouraged broken people to hide. They put on a mask and pretend that all is well. This saves them from the embarrassment of not measuring up and the pain of admitting they are damaged. As they suffer, they feel more and more devalued. They know they are broken, and wonder what significance they have in this life.
I know because I was one of the broken people. When serious brokenness came into my life, I felt worthless. I could not see how I could be a part of God’s glorious work in our world. It seemed that I had outlived my usefulness. The pain was unbearable. But God continued to love me and reveal Himself to me.
In time, I understood what the Psalmist said in Psalm 31. “I am forgotten as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery. For I hear many whispering, “Terror on every side!” They conspire against me and plot to take my life. But I trust in you, LORD; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love” (vs. 12-16). I was saved by his unfailing love. I am broken, but not trash, God loves me with unfailing love.

Brokeness that is Clearly Evident

There was no question about my brokenness. It was clearly evident. Since there was no hiding it, I thought it was ok to admit it. I was wrong. It made people extremely uncomfortable. Inside and outside of the church, I encountered angry people.
I was assailed with false allegations and accusations. People that had known me and I had assumed, loved me for years believed the worst about me. When I admitted that I was a Christian who was struggling, sad, and hurting beyond description, I was not supported, comforted, or loved as I thought I would be.
Thankfully, my God, the Author of Truth, knew what was going on, and he spoke truth into my life. He sent a lovely friend who took me to the library to find books that would encourage and support me. My son’s pastor taught a lesson that turned my wrong thinking around. Through the books and the pastor, I found Mending the Soul Ministries. They understood. The people at Mending the Soul knew God could recycle me, and they helped me to believe it.
God’s power was at work in me and for me. He wasn’t embarrassed by my brokenness. He understood and provided a small community of believers that also understood. The compassion of Christ was shown to me by my small group. They held the broken pieces of my life close to their hearts as God took each piece and refitted it for his purposes. My closest friends and my close family prayed and did the practical simple tasks that, in my brokenness, I couldn’t complete.
This all amazed me. Why did I encounter such diverse reactions to the same circumstances? Again I had question what people were thinking, and what I was thinking. In our society, there is an intolerance for imperfection. People don’t like to admit weakness. But Christianity is countercultural. We praise God for brokenness. God’s glory shines as he works through brokenness.
This is how the Apostle Paul put it; “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9–10 NIV).
God had not left me at the mercy of the cynics. He provided sufficient grace. For Christ’s sake, for the glory of God, he showed himself strong when I was weak and broken.

Even My Thinking Was Broken

I was excited that I had trusted Jesus as my Savior. I wanted to live for him. I was young, but I understood that it was important to walk in obedience. We sang songs like “Trust and obey” and “Living For Jesus”. But there was a problem. I misunderstood the implications of living for Jesus. Somehow, I thought that he gave me a new chance, that would be like a do over. I thought I had the opportunity to live right, and that would prevent suffering and brokenness.
My ideas were to be proven wrong over and over again, but it took a long time for me to admit that my thinking was wrong. I thought that God had saved me to keep me from being broken again. I believed that if I studied the Bible, prayed faithfully, and lived as obediently as possible I could prevent further brokenness. I thought all of the pain, struggle, and sin that I suffered from was my inability to stick with God’s plan. If I just worked harder at learning the lessons God had for me, I thought I could prevent suffering and brokenness. So I worked hard at living for Jesus.
It seemed to go pretty well for a while. My life appeared ideal from the outside. I lived in a beautiful place, in a nice home. I had three beautiful, bright children that were well behaved and loved Jesus. I attended a nice church and had good friends. I lived close to my supportive family. I was involved in ministries that were reaching people with God’s love. My husband worked hard to provide for us. We went on wonderful vacations.
For the most part, I felt blessed. There were issues though. Neglect, anger, and verbal abuse were part of my life too. Although I tried hard to see the bright side and look at the good, these issues wore on my soul and spirit. I thought that if I could pray more, serve more, study more, then the pain in my soul would go away. I was upset with myself for not overcoming in the face of adversity. My constant thought was, “I need to trust God more”.
I spent a long time in a vicious cycle. I tried to be “more”, then I would feel guilty that it wasn’t enough. God had redeemed my sorry soul from the pit of hell. He bought me and made me into a new creation. I had been recycled to give glory to God, but I was getting broken again.
Then my year of unbearable tragedy hit. I stopped striving to protect myself from brokenness because it was an impossible task. That year my brokenness turned into depression. I felt like I was too big of an emotional wreck to bring glory to God. One question plagued my mind. Could God ever use me again?
During this time of severe brokenness, I learned that the Christian life I was trying to live was an ideal I made up, not the life that God expected. I wasn’t letting him down. When I started studying brokenness, I found the truth. God made it clear that he understands our brokenness and continues to love us.
He worked through the Apostle Paul who said, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15 NIV). He also understands that the sin of others can break us. David was loved by God and part of God’s eternal plan. He suffered great emotional anguish over the sins of some close to him. “My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen on me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me…If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend” (Psalm 55:4-5,12-13 NIV).
And of course, Jesus glorified God with his life and he was broken, “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5 NIV).
During my healing process, I learned many things, but one lesson stood out and changed my view of the Christian life. God didn’t save me to live a life free from pain, suffering or brokenness. God saved me to glorify him. I realized that all of the great saints of history who had glorified God, suffered some kind of brokenness. I think God can use me.

My Personal Brokenness

My interest in the Scriptural view of brokenness began after I went through a series of tragedies, because those tragedies broke me. The circumstances of life were hard, but the sin and relationship issues were the most devastating. I am sure that most readers will relate to some of my troubles as we all suffer from difficulties that leave us broken.
It would take volumes to describe all that happened, but I will recount some of the events here. My 23 year old son was diagnosed with brain cancer. My dysfunctional and abusive marriage ended with a flood of information about hidden sin issues that left me feeling betrayed and rejected. My niece, who was only 23 years old, died from an addictive lifestyle. Our family home that my parents had owned for more than 30 years caught on fire and had to be torn down. My sister betrayed me, causing significant pain and difficulty for me and my children. I was forced to sell my home, but unable to get a new place. I had to live with friends and family for a time, not knowing where I would end up. And then through the grapevine, I learned that our family dog had died. It was a tough year.
The heartbreaks I suffered were extremely difficult. I felt broken. I wasn’t functioning spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or physically. I knew that I was a mess, but I wasn’t even sure where to start getting help. I knew I couldn’t do it alone, and many wonderful people stepped up to help me. But that wasn’t enough.
I needed to know how God felt and how he dealt with brokenness. I was felt like I was such a mess that I probably wouldn’t be much help in building God’s Kingdom. I thought that my years of contributing to the ministry of God were probably over. It seemed to me that I was too big of a mess to be of much use to Jesus.
I decided to do a study on brokenness. I started by looking up the word broken in the dictionary. Maybe broken wasn’t even the right word to describe what I was going through. So I got out the dictionary, and it confirmed my fears. I was definitely broken. Here are the definitions that applied to me.
• 1. Forcibly separated into two or more pieces; fractured: a broken arm
• 2. Sundered by divorce, separation, or desertion of a parent or parents: children from broken homes
• 3. Having been violated
• 4. a. Incomplete
• b. Being in a state of disarray; disordered
• 5. a. Intermittently stopping and starting; discontinuous
• 7. a. Subdued totally; humbled
• b. Weakened and infirm
• 8. Crushed by grief
• 9. Financially ruined
• 10. Not functioning; out of order
This was the beginning of my study. I knew I needed to find out what God had to say on this subject. This study would have to be based on the Bible. The lessons would need to include universal truths. For this effort to help me, it would have to apply to my personal experience. And finally, if what I learned was truth, it would bring glory to God.
The study that follows is what I learned as God lead me on a healing journey through the Scriptures. It is how I learned that I was broken, but I was not trash.

Broken But Not Trash: The Intro

I know that I am broken. Broken by the effect sin has had on my life. No one has to point it out or remind me. It is clearly evident. The proof is in my thoughts and actions. I am not whole, complete, or perfect. I would never attempt to deny that I am damaged goods.
The problem is that our society is intolerant of imperfection. This intolerance has caused us to become a disposable society. If anything gets chipped, broken, or worn out we toss it. We rarely attempt to repair anything. If it is broken, we dispose of it and replace it with a new and improved model.
It is not surprising in such a throw away culture that we have come to see broken people as trash. We are ready to throw the imperfect on a refuse heap and leave them to rot. It is sad, but it is common to find this attitude even in the church. We have been influenced by the world’s ideology and often treat people as cheap and disposable. They are imperfect and broken, so we feel justified in labeling and segregating.
It is probably safe to say that each one of us knows what it is like to lose patience with someone else’s brokenness. If we are honest, we must admit that each of us has been ready to toss the imperfect. We tend to be quick to discard those with obvious faults, thereby encouraging church members to hide their flaws and cracks for fear of being tossed aside. Pretending that we are ok is not the answer. Recycling is!
It is clear from God’s Word that each one of us is damaged, broken, and ready for the trash receptacle. Sin has left us damaged. Our own sin breaks our spirit and eats away at our minds. The sins perpetuated against us by others break our hearts and crush our emotions. We are broken and deserve to be discarded.
But praise God, in spite of the fact that I am damaged goods, God has chosen to keep me. There are reasons he does this. He has a sentimental attachment to me because I am his creation. He loves me because I belong to him. He sees value in me. He wants to keep me near to himself. He is also fond of recycling. He doesn’t like waste, but delights in taking old junk and making it into beautiful artwork.
As we look into scripture, we see many broken people. Some were physically broken. Mephibosheth was crippled. Jacob had an injured hip. Hannah was barren. Spiritually broken people are included in the history of God’s people too. Samson comes to mind. Elijah was emotionally broken and tired. Hosea was suffering from a broken relationship. Job had a broken soul, spirit, and body. And the list goes on.
People are now and always have been broken. If this was where the story ended, it would be sad and hopeless. It doesn’t end there though. God recycles what society would or has discarded. The glorious truth is that God shows grace and mercy to the broken. He offers to remake us into something new, whole, complete, and special. He sees the value in what others see only as discarded junk. Once he remakes us we are no longer trash, but we are useful, valuable, and uniquely designed to bring honor and glory to the Most High God.
Are there times when you question your value and usefulness because you are chipped or cracked? Have you been left on the trash heap outside the church? Have you been discarded because of your brokenness? I have. And from my place in the landfill of societal rejects, I saw Jesus walk towards me and smile. He picked me up, held me close and took me as his own precious possession. I belong to him, and he is recycling what once was trash. Turning me into a showpiece that brings glory to his name. “We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10).
There is no question about it. I am damaged goods. I have flaws and cracks that are evident to all. But because of God’s unique ability to see value in what society has discarded, and because of His recycling efforts in my life, I know “I am broken, but I’m not trash”.

Overcoming Life’s Storms

This is a reprint of a blog I wrote in 2009. It was written after a series of tragedies changed my life. This blog was God’s reminder to me that I needed to move on. It didn’t matter that I had been broken and beat up by the storm. God had a place for me. He loved me and still wanted me to work with Him. Out of this realization, I wrote a series of lessons called “Broken But Not Trash: How God Recycles People”. This will be my new blog series. Please join me as I revisit the valuable lessons God used to heal me from the damage caused by the storms of life.

“My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest— I would flee far away and stay in the desert; Selah I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.”” (Psalm 55:4-8)

There have been times in my life when I have been in anguish. I have felt that the storms of life were flooding my soul, and I was going to drown. Actually this happens to everyone. My problem was that I often chose (maybe by default) to stay in the middle of the horror that was overwhelming me. Through Biblical study, prayer and the insight of other believers, I have learned that I am often beset by fear and trembling because I am making stupid choices.
The fact is everyone encounters at last one shipwreck from the storms of life, most people more than one. It shouldn’t surprise us when it happens. It surprised me. I was caught totally off guard.
I found myself travelling along unaware of how the storm was growing. I was feeling a little seasick. I knew the waves were growing and becoming powerful. I didn’t worry too much. I was trusting in the ship that I thought was strong enough to carry me. I was oblivious to the pending disaster.
The storm grew out of control. There was nothing I could do. To my amazement, all of my thoughts and plans for my trip were about to be destroyed. “Quick! Sheri, do something”, I thought. I tried to bubble gum the hull together. I tied the sail onto the mast with cheap thread. All was to no avail. The ship in which I had travelled and put my confidence was broken and destroyed.
It is already apparent that I had made a few errors. For starters, I shouldn’t have had confidence in anything other than God. I also shouldn’t have wasted my time on childish attempts to fix the ship. I should have been learning how to swim! The bad moves didn’t stop there, and it becomes even more pathetic.
I was soon soaking wet, sinking into the raging seas. My first instinct was to grab a hold of the wreckage. I pulled some junk together so I could stay afloat. I held tenaciously to the debris believing I would die if I let go. Ok, that isn’t such a terrible idea initially, but if I continue to hang on instead of seeking and planning for safety, I will eventually grow weak and tired. The opportunity for sinking into spiritual oblivion increases with each passing moment.
I couldn’t bring myself to let go. I was holding tightly to pieces of garbage because I still recognized them. In my hypothermic and shocked state I saw the trash as what it had once been, and not for what it had become. I didn’t want to let go of the familiar.
The distance to safety was very small. A beautiful island with warm sand where I could dry off was close at hand. Sustenance and comfort had been provided by the Creator God. A new world that may even become my paradise was right there. It was a short swim away.
I would have to let go of the old junk. I would have to count it loss. I would have to quit looking back and go forward to the place, and life God had prepared for me. It would be much different, but I wouldn’t drown in the sea of despair. I would have a chance to live a life of beauty, purpose and significance for the Lord.
It took me a while to realize that an unknown island, created and prepared by a Loving Father, was preferable to drowning with the wreckage that the storms of life had caused. I still feared the unknown but knew the unknown was preferable to sinking in hopelessness. Mustering my remaining strength, I let go and swam to shore.
Just reaching the shore brought a sense of excitement and new hope. I knew I would not drown. The brightness of the Son started to dry out my soggy soul. I started to enjoy a sense of adventure. New opportunities were before me. The scary disaster was behind me. And the Lord of Life was walking with me.
This new life beyond the storm is not easy. A lot of hard work is required. Inhabiting a new island is slow going. Building new structures and daily harvesting much needed food for my soul requires diligence. I am also finding pieces of the old life scattered along the shore. Many of them are useful in my new life as I learn to adapt them and fit them in. I still sometimes grieve the losses.
The initial hard work will eventually pay off in great abundance. I will eventually settle into this new place. When that happens, I will find more time to explore, enjoy, and take it easy. For now, the hard work is joyful work because I know that God saved me, and he saved me for a purpose.

Lord of all Creation, I thank you for saving me from the storms of life. I thank you for putting my feet once again on a firm land. I was in spiritual anguish. “When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days, and no small tempest lay on me, all hope of my being saved was at last abandoned” (Acts 27:20). But you, O Lord, were gracious and kind to me. I called to you, and you saved me (Psalm 55:16). Because you are God and you constantly show yourself to be faithful, I will trust in you (Psalm 55:23).
I will wake up excited, ready to enjoy the adventure of a new day. I will discover your love today. I will encounter your faithfulness as I enjoy the blessings you have given to me.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”” (Lamentations 3:22-24). My hope is unquestionably in you. Without your strength and safety, I am lost in anguish, overwhelmed with horror, and will be consumed by the swirling storms of life. I only have hope because of you and in you. Keep me by your power.