“Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the ‘Beloved’. Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence.”
Henri J. M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World

I have been reading Job again, and I again had to stop and stand in awe of God. I also had to humble myself because I realized that I had a weird distrust and strange form of pride. Let me set the stage, and then I will explain.

At the end of the book Job, God basically says, “Job, quit questioning and trust me. I am God and you are not.” God lets Job know that he is in charge of the whole world. Job recognizes God’s majesty and power, so he humbles himself before The Almighty.

While reading that passage, I thought about how often I question God. I realized it was often. Every time I doubt God’s love for me, I am questioning Him. Every time I allow self-rejection to mess with my mind and spirit, I am mistrusting God. When I wonder if I matter or make a difference, I deny that God has a good plan for me.

I thought about my pride. Who am I to question God? He has clearly stated that I am loved. One of my favorite passages says, “Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:7–8, NIV). And another passage says, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is” (1 John 3:1–2, NIV).

I am a child of God and I am loved. To question this truth is pride. It is to say that God does not mean what he says. Do I really think that I know more than God?

If I am to live the life God has called me to, I must see myself as the beloved. I must trust that I am precious to God. I must relinquish my pride and submit to the truth. I am loved by the God of the Universe. This is the truth.

It is my desire to have a healthy and flourishing spiritual life. I want others to be drawn to Jesus by what they see in me. So I must, like Job, say, “Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you? I lay my hand on my mouth” (Job 40:4, ESV). Then I must listen as God reminds me of His greatness, power, majesty, and love. I will accept the truth that He speaks to me, the truth that Jesus loves me.

Father, forgive me for my pride and arrogance. Thank you for loving me.